Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
