Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
