I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
