we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
