Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
