have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
