she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
