i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
