Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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