Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
