you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
