Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
