she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
