He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize