i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
