You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
