I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
