When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize