"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
