Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
