dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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