Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
