they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You pole danced in your parka.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
