I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
