my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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