Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
