he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
