Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
