this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
