Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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