I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
