pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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