my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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