apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
