Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
