If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
