to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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