First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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