our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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