Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
