it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize