I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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