If i come over, it means nothing
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
