your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize