We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize