she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
