I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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