we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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