he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
