the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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