I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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