She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
