im gay
i know
yea but for you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
