I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize