Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
