At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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