Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
