hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
