Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
