my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
