you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
