she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
