I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
