after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
