I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
