He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
