i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
