Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
