Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
