Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
