i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
