remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Four minutes until I can fart!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
