she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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