now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
