u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
